Life Is Funny

Life’s funny.

I drop my son off in the morning at kindergarten, then go to work and teach kids that you should say ‘ran’ instead of ‘runned’ and how to solve real-world math problems, which they can’t wrap their heads around no matter how much I try. I feel helpless and useless, then I try again, then I’m frustrated, then I keep trying, then I go home.

Then in the evening I sit with my other son in front of the laptop as he picks his courses for the second semester at university. I look at the calendar and realize he’s going back in four days already, and he’s been here for over two weeks, and I barely got to see him… I realize I’m getting used to him coming and going, and it’s so strange because it’s like I’m numb on the outside but hurting inside, but not really acknowledging that I’m hurting so does it even count then…

And meanwhile I’m thinking of what to make for dinner, and when is spring finally coming, and how much the electricity bill will be, and how I need to remember to do my 1-minute plank today before I pass out. I think of how I missed yet another workout planned for this week, and what to do with my students for the end-of-the-year school concert, and that I haven’t written anything today but does it even matter because no one reads it anyway.

And then while making dinner and doing dishes and everything else I listen to a motivational video to keep my mind in the right place and my vibrations high and to remind myself that there’s so much more to this life.

And I tell myself to keep the self doubt and negative thoughts at bay, and sometimes it even works. Sometimes.

Because life’s funny like that, it just goes on without asking if you’re catching up or of you’re far behind. It doesn’t care if you’re enjoying it, if you’re happy, or if you’re tired. It just goes on. So it’s up to you what to make of it, at the end of the day. It’s up to you how to live it, what to feel and what to think and how to shape your tomorrow and how to view your yesterday or whether yesterday even matters at all.

Life’s funny. It tricks you into believing that you’ve got forever. That you have all the time in the world to focus on all the wrong things.